How do I tell my children and deal with their reaction?
ACS Answer
If there are young children in your family, you may be worried about how they will cope with your cancer. How a child reacts to upsetting news very much depends on how the adults are handling it. Although we may know this, deciding how to discuss cancer with children can be very difficult. Adults often have their own private, powerful feelings about their own or a family member's diagnosis, and they may want to protect the children from their fears, frustrations, and worries.
Wait until the first wave of strong emotions has passed before telling the children in your life. Don't overwhelm very young children with too much information. Assure them that, even if you will be in the hospital for a while, they will see you as often as possible and they will be cared for. Older children may already fear the word "cancer," so be prepared to reassure them. Emphasize the positive steps that doctors will be taking to treat your illness.
If children are not given an honest explanation of the situation, they are likely to draw inaccurate, equally upsetting conclusions of their own. Both adults and children can and do learn to cope with cancer and its treatments. When talking to children about cancer, you should give them simple, accurate information that they will understand. It is best to share the information in small doses, and to keep the explanations appropriate to their age and comprehension abilities. Be sure to give children the chance to ask and have their questions answered.
If you feel it appropriate, you may also wish to have a social worker or school psychologist talk with the child. They may know of support groups for children in your area. They can also give the child a source of support that is outside of the family.
Related Resources
Get more information about telling your children about your cancer diagnosis.
Learn more about how to talk to people about your diagnosis.
Find books that cover this and other cancer topics at the American Cancer Society bookstore.
Recommended Consultation
You should consider discussing this topic with your doctor or health care team.
